Who really runs Nigeria’s government? Spoiler alert: It is not a trio of branches. It is a solo concert, and President Bola “Jagaban” Tinubu is the headliner, backup singer, and hype man. Forget checks and balances; this is a game of constitutional Jenga where Jagaban holds all the blocks… and also the rulebook. Oops, did I drop that? This guy has got the government so whipped, they’d follow him off a cliff while singing his praises, even if he decided the constitution was better used as toilet paper.
The Legislature: Meet the Senate, where bills are not debated—they are autographed! The Senate President has got a rap sheet longer than a Nollywood movie credits roll: sexual shenanigans, corruption, maybe a side hustle smuggling palm oil scandals. He has one job: stamping presidential decrees like they’re limited-edition NFTs. The Senate chamber? More like a Notary Public Office. “Constitutional review?” Pfft. Tinubu’s morning coffee order gets faster revisions.
The Judiciary: Once hailed as the scales of justice, now just a prop in Jagaban’s superhero parody. The Courts are Nigeria’s poster child for “How to Be Useless 101.” So corrupt it’s basically a black hole where justice goes to die. Why? Let’s just say some judges confuse “ruling of the court” with “ruling of the courtier.” Verdicts come pre-approved, wrapped in a bow, and delivered via presidential fanmail. Due process? That’s so 1960.
The Executive: Here’s where the magic happens! Tinubu doesn’t lead the executive branch, he is the branch. The constitution? A mere “suggestion menu” at this point. Dreaming of parliamentary pushback? Sweet summer child. This is not democracy; it is DemoCrazy™—where one man’s whims are law, logic is optional, and accountability took a permanent vacation to the Maldives.
In Conclusion: Nigeria’s governance in 2025 is what you would get if King Louis XIV time-traveled to a democracy seminar, yelled “L’état, c’est moi!” and then hijacked the mic for a TED Talk on “Efficiency.” Checks and balances? More like checks cashed and balance sheets vanished. This is power so raw, so juicy, it would make a medieval king blush
Welcome to 21st-century monarchy—now with WiFi and press conferences!
(This parody brought to you by: “Democracy? Never Heard of Her.”)
